When You Feel Betrayed
Health Is PowHer Podcast Episode 70
What happens when friends, colleagues, family members disappoint you or betray you? You may never want to be around people again because they’ve hurt you. You may never want to make friends for fear of it happening all over again.
They’ve hurt your feelings; they’ve manipulated you, they went behind your back to make themselves feel better or maybe gain power over you - gain power for themselves by undermining you.
We tend to develop emotions of anger or worse, shame, at how others now see you. Or maybe you feel like your own power is diminished because of this person. We want to retaliate and shut them down. You may feel lonely or isolated, never knowing if you can trust someone again.
We’ve all dealt with this at some point or another. I myself have dealt with this even in my profession of healers - working with physicians and nurse practitioners who got into this profession to help others, be present for their patients to help them recover from their illness.
They should have integrity, but I’ve seen many, especially in the academic field of research and promotion, undermine others for their own benefit.
I see this in so many doctors and providers whose ego runs amok over spirit and they end up bullying people beneath their hierarchical rank to make themselves feel better, look better, and gain status. And it is a betrayal, a disappointing act that leaves one feeling alone and not fitting in to the norm.
But, ultimately, it is not your responsibility to retaliate and make it right - of course, protect yourself, involve HR, talk to your supervisor, document the occurrences or behaviors that cause distress, talk to a counselor, but don’t allow your energy to be sucked into that vortex of negativity and stagnation.
Forgiving the betrayal and allowing yourself to follow the path laid out before you - is always the better avenue.
Usually there is a message when you feel disappointed by the behaviors of others - somehow nudging you to move on and go another way, make new friends, find a different group to work with or be friends with, let go - your energy/your spirit has to thrive instead of be stuck in those negative patterns with others.
Focusing on your health, your energy and trusting and loving yourself is of utmost importance, and sometimes, betrayal by others, helps you develop a better relationship with yourself.
Because you learn that people pleasing and making sure others like you or are impressed with your talents and what you can give them, may drain you in the end.
I have learned from working as even a national leader when my own integrative pediatric colleagues have secretly stole my ideas from me, and undermined my promotions and when confronted lied about it - But they are brought up to think that way - to win, to compete, to challenge their friends so they can survive and be on top. It’s such a cutthroat world that that is all they were taught.
And that is their journey, not mine, not ours. We have a different path and these situations show us just that. That we shouldn’t be wasting our energy on this type of work, or type of relationships. This opens us up to new opportunities that we truly were meant for.
Of course, feel the rejection and the awareness that some people are disappointing, but not everyone is like that. There are amazing, good, healthy people that can have wonderful, productive relationships that focus on teamwork instead of me work.
And everything happens for a reason.
There is no need to fight and rage against them. You are better served if you trust yourself to follow the next new opportunity, the next relationship that will provide with you so much energy and love that you never thought possible.
Everyone answers for their wrongdoings - someway or another in this life or the next. You do not need to worry about punishing them. That does not serve you in this lifetime, nor does it help you achieve your innermost desires - it will inhibit them. You are meant for so much more than that.
With Love,
Dr. Anna, MD